Sealed With a Kiss
by Nerwen Aldarion
Summary: On Ronon's wedding day Teyla reflects on the past that occured between them and the secrets she has kept. TeylaRonon angst


Disclaimer: I don't own anything

A/N: This has to be the most important thing I've ever written so far. I feel my heart racing even as I type this, I went through so much to get this little one shot posted if you're from the forum you know all of that. This fic means inspiration to me, I was inspired to write this fic at the begining of this year and I wanted to be sure all of you recieved the inspired version of this fic. It is mostly in its original state just cleaned up a bit. Enjoy.

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Sealed With a Kiss

Teyla watched the ceremony an emotionless expression on her face. She was lost in her own thought vaguely aware of the couple standing before her.

With every word the holy man uttered reunited the two the petals Teyla clutched in her hand were crushed as she squeezed tighter, her only release for the agony she felt.

The flower petals were a part of the traditional Satedan wedding ceremony as was everyone wearing white. Dr. Weir had expressed an interest in this, apparently only the bride was to wear white on Earth.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw her friends seated next to her all dressed in white. Dr. Weir watched in fascination no doubt the ceremony was culturally interesting to her. Colonel Sheppard, Dr. McKay, and Dr. Beckett all looked a little bored but all of them were happy for their friend, she had heard them talking about it. All had gladly dressed in white for the ceremony.

Teyla looked down at her own white gown hating it. White was for purity and innocence and she was anything but innocent, but only Ronon was aware of that fact. She knew that if their friends knew the truth they would feel differently about the wedding but they both had made sure no one knew. Not an inappropriate glance or a slip of the tongue had betrayed then and now she was suffering for it.

Her gaze turned to the woman clasping Ronon's hands, whispering the words that were uniting them for eternity…again. Melena, Ronon's first love and wife, whose supposed death had caused him great pain, pain that was healed when they all learned that she was in fact alive. Teyla couldn't help but wondered if Melena had any inkling about the truth between herself and Ronon…the truth about their friendship.

This brought a wave of memories to her, the way Ronon's skin gleamed in the candlelight, the gentle of caress of his hands. She remembered the taste of his skin on her lips, the sound of his heart beat when she rested her head on his chest, the feel of him inside her filling the empty place in her heart, completing her.

Teyla longed to return to those days, was it only two months ago? They would whisper to each other in the dark and lie in each other's arms. Confessing their fears to one another and kissing them away only to make love again until dawn broke.

The happiness the memories brought was fleeting; they led to the day that misery started. A simple mission it was supposed to be, they had both been surprised to see Solen there and she knew something was wrong when he pulled Ronon aside. She had no idea that the only pain she would feel was the happiness she saw on his face when he told the rest of the team that his wife was in fact alive.

He asked her for a promise, a promise to never reveal to his wife what had happened between the two of them, a promise she had agreed to.

It was why she was here today to fulfill that promise; it would seem strange if one of his closest friends refused to join the wedding party, even if she and Ronon had ceased being just friends long ago.

Promise, how she hated that word now. In her foolishness she had received none, taking his gentle hands and sweet kisses as promise enough. Her father and Charin would have chastised her for her idiocy. But what's done is done; she had given her heart to a man and received nothing in return but jumble of now painful memories.

And no one knew, no one saw that she was dying inside. She longed to speak her troubles to receive a world from her friends to help her through her grief and find her way out of this depression that was black as sin.

But just as Ronon had promised so long ago she had promised to herself not to bring harm to his marriage. That fact that he was so happy about his wife return and the renewal of their vows made Teyla wonder the honesty of the words Ronon had spoken to her in their days of happiness. Had he loved her or was she just a replacement for the one he thought lost?

As much as it pained her to do this she had promised to herself to let him go and find happiness in his wife. Her heart told her to speak out to tell the truth of their relationship. But there was nothing to tell they had hidden their feelings so well now when she needed proof there was none.

Well that wasn't entirely true.

Her hand not holding the petals came to rest on the flat of her belly where she suspected a child grew. She knew it was her duty to tell him but she remained silent.

Teyla was giving him what she wanted, his marriage with nothing attached. She wasn't going to ruing him just because she was carrying his child. Yes a child would be born but he would never know it was his.

And she didn't need him to know, it was enough to know that a part of him was nestled in her womb. That it was irrefutable that the nights spent in each others arms had happened, she needed the reassurance that a part of her was with him always.

So lost in her musings Teyla didn't even realize that the ceremony was over. Ronon was leading his wife down the aisle and the party threw the petals, showering the fragrant blossoms on them.

But Teyla held hers tightly in her hand which was now starting to shake.

The guests stood up to leave along with her friends but Teyla lagged behind letting her loneliness sink in.

Over, everything was over now. Until now there had been hope, hope that he would change his mind. Hope that we could say everything she yearned to hear, hope that she wouldn't have to bear the child alone.

The wind rippled through the trees throwing her hair and the loose folds of her dress everywhere.

Now she let the white petals fall from her hand to dance in the wind to be carried off to parts unknown along with her hope and dreams of happiness.

Teyla stood there until the petals were gone from her sight like her happiness.

Gone was the chance she had with Ronon, her chance of true love and joy snatched away by a promise and sealed with holy words and a kiss.

FIN

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A/N: Please be nice this fic means the world to me so please please please be nice and tell me what you think. 


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